Head

Today I read in The Onion about places in Milwaukee that are built on top of graveyards.

I met Garrett for dinner and told him about it, how an old newspaper report said school kids had found some skulls and were playing with them in the street. He said he had always wanted to own a skull.

I paused for moment, intrigued by his admission. Then, realizing I might be able to fulfill that desire, I offered him mine.

I asked him if he'd decorate my skull, or just have the bare bone show. Neither one of us had any particular design in mind, but we felt it was worthy of consideration.

We went on to debate the legalities of it and considered the logistics of it in a bit too much detail.

He figured if he put my head on an ant hill for a week or so with a bucket or something covering it up, it ought to be clean enough that he could then soak the bone in bleach so my skull would be stripped clean and ready for display.

He said he'd done the same with a trophy fish head once and it worked like a charm.

I didn't think he'd get away with letting the ants clean off my head, so we brainstormed until I felt I had to stop him when he suggested "it might work to make some kind of a stew."

A little while later there was singing and clapping in honor of someone who was celebrating their birthday. Garrett's birthday is in February, he commented that it's only a few months before his birthday too and asked me what he'd be getting.

I tried to counter by asking him what he wanted. He didn't answer, just smiled at me and asked again what he'd get.

"You'll get the same thing from me for your birthday as what you'll get from me when I die", I said, not missing a beat, not having to explain more. He knew exactly what I was getting at. Of course.

He'll get head.

Hater

beggers            choosers
                (liars)

cheaters

how I chased
my everything
                          (I hate)

seeing his          in her
                     (car)             (drive)

not enough           for my love
                     (time)

because I had to get
involved                      (the police)

I hate            everything
             (losing)

but I know
it could have been
much worse

Skating Away

I don't know how I found myself
there, when somewhere else
I might have been more capable of
skill or grace. Perhaps I need
to push harder, wind up
my fingers inside the dust-
heavy gray  laces and
tug tight, chancing them
to snap.  I jumped
and spun. I could fly
but desperately. Open
rotation. Even my most
lucid attempt barely
got me off the ground.
Spinning around and
popping open. Still,
something made me
try and try.

Losing My Religion

I took an online quiz to find out what religion is most in line with my beliefs. Because that's got to be the best way to find a new religion, of course.

Your Results

The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.
Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

How did the Belief-O-Matic do? Discuss your results on our message boards.

1.	Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2.	Liberal Quakers (86%)
3.	Neo-Pagan (79%)
4.	New Age (75%)
5.	Mahayana Buddhism (72%)
6.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (72%)
7.	Theravada Buddhism (71%)
8.	Secular Humanism (68%)
9.	New Thought (63%)
10.	Taoism (58%)
11.	Hinduism (57%)
12.	Orthodox Quaker (52%)
13.	Reform Judaism (50%)
14.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (50%)
15.	Scientology (50%)
16.	Nontheist (46%)
17.	Baha'i Faith (40%)
18.	Jainism (37%)
19.	Seventh Day Adventist (27%)
20.	Sikhism (26%)
21.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (21%)
22.	Orthodox Judaism (21%)
23.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (17%)
24.	Eastern Orthodox (15%)
25.	Islam (15%)
26.	Jehovah's Witness (15%)
27.	Roman Catholic (15%)

No cupcakes without alcohol.

I'm fucking tired.

I'm freaking out.

My cupcakes suck and there's only a week and a half for me to perfect my recipe.

And bake a minimum of twelve dozen of the little motherfuckers. Make them look good.

And figure out a way to transport them without incident to the Harley Davidson Museum.

I can't back out unless I forfeit my 40 bucks.

I think it would cost less to show up with cupcakes and get that deposit back.

I can't get over how it doesn't make sense that you don't get anything back of what you put into supplies, etc. unless you win.

But the reason I wanted to do this is just so I could say I did it. So I am.

Shit.

Fuck.

Motherfucker.

I need to come up with something good.

Presentable.

Yummy.

Fast.